my life...

Introductions..?!!quite odd..actually this is the second time that i would do this blogging thing..(the first one was not a success!=) when my sister told me to read her blog,,thats the time i thought..why not start a blog myself. (gaya-gaya noh!) i think i have alot to share..my journey..my thoughts..my feelings..my unpredictable moods..the places i visited..and a whole lot more..=) Let me start of with the reason why im here....my family. (I will make this an installment basis,hehe)

Thats my FAMILY..Let me start of with my PAPA..my papa is a retired music supervisor in Manila. the only rose among the thorns!?hehehe he's like our "baby" now in the family..I could say that I am a certified PAPA's GIRL,until now.=) When i was still young, he's always been my "kakampi". Whenever my mama would spank or scold me..i would always run to him and cry..and he would always tell mama, "tama na mama hindi n daw nya uulitin". Matagal din ako naging parang only child (5yrs gap bet. me and nizeth),kaya lahat ng luho binibigay ni papa. Pero i think food lng nmn ang luho ko nun,,to be specific "junk food". I am a constant honor student when i was in my elementary years so i felt i have given him much happiness then. He would always come up on stage and pin a medal for me. And thats the time I would see him the happiest man on earth.=) But there was this one time that i felt i have disappointed him. When I was i think grade 4 or 5, there was this singing contest in our subdivision..He asked me if i could join. Im am by nature shy and not used to singing im front of a large crowd.BUt then i told him, "cge papa sasali ako" So i practiced and have my cousin help me out..Then came the day of the singing contest,mama fixed my dress and shoes and everything all set. I decided to get some nap before the contest and then when i woke up..I felt i dont want to join anymore..=( The contest started 6pm for the registration and then I ended up hiding under my bed(literally under the folding bed..) Papa was already looking for me but i didnt responded to his calls. Then when its already around past 8pm i decided to come out. I said sorry to papa,crying..He gave me a tight hug..and that alone is enough.

Papa really loves me so much..even my sisters would know that I am his favorite.(aminin nyo na..('',) When i got my first job months after graduation, hes the first person to know. I remember how happy he is because at that time he stopped working (retired n cya) so mama's the only one working and we have to wait until papa's has pension..Nag work ako for 1year and a half, then i decided i want to quit the job..It was very hard for me. I had a talk with papa,crying. Sbi ko,papa ayoko na tlga,hindi nko masaya s work ko. then he just comfort me and told me," cge kung ayaw m na tlg magresign ka.Alam mo kung meron lang sana ako trabho pa ngyn, khit hindi kna mgtrabho ok lng." and that really broke my heart. Ang selfish ko tlg that time,mabilis ako mawalan ng gana s work.After ng first work ko,naghanap ako ulit..nakakita ulit ng bagong work,tpos magreresign. Until the cycle goes on and on..Then papa would say to me," ano ba tlg ung gus2 mo gawin? gus2 ko bgo ako mawala,gus2 ko mkita n maayos ka." That time tlgang i see my self without direction. I am at my worst self that time.. Then came 2006..very memorable and hard year for me and our family..I was working at Makati that time pero was also thinking of quitting the job.(again!) That was AUGUST 26,sat. My sister, niza was calling me to go home quickly for papa's not feeling well. I thought that was a typical, high blood pressure. But only a felt different that time for the voice of my sister didnt sound good. When i arrived i went straight to papa's room to check.. I checked his BP and its high..I asked him,"ano nararamdaman mo papa?", them i saw his right arm moving and then i started pinching it, sbi ko "e2 mern ka nararamdaman?" sbi nya wala, namamanhid ung right side nya. That time mama came home late n din, 7pm. I felt uneasy, and really worried. I want to bring him to the hospital but the problem is I dont have enough money..I only have 200php on my wallet that time. And mama doesnt have money as well. We are constantly checking him, i dont want to go to his room kc i know, im going to cry..Mahina ang loob ko when it comes to my papa. Mama's always at his side. i decided to go to one of our neighbor who is a doctor and asked him to kindly check on papa. He came and told me to bring him to the hospital.. Mama's already crying for we didnt have the money to bring him there. I called a friend and told me to bring papa to the provincial hospital, and she will meet us there and will help us..(thanks lea!) That was past 12am.. i told mama, "bihisan n c papa,dadalhin ntin s hospital" Papa was still hesitant to go.. and he would always ask," san tau pupunta?nasan c nineng? nasan nizeth? c niza?" kahit n nkikita n nya kme nun.. That scared me..parang naghahanap n cya isa isa. tpos khit ako n ung nsa tabi nya, hinahanap nya pa din ako.. Then when we are done changing his clothes and ask him to stand coz we are going..Hindi n cya makatayo..That really hit me..na-paralyze na ang papa ko..ayoko..imagine 3 girls lng kme dun(mama,ako and niza)..pero nakaya nmin cya buhatin..I started the engine and drove as fast as i could (wala n mga humps!) crying, but never let mama see that.. I have to be strong for them, for my sisters and especially for my papa. While i was driving I was just praying, I really asked God na wag nya ku2nin pa muna ang papa ko..I am not ready.Marami pko gusto ibigay s kanya..Gus2 ko mkita nya pa na maayos nko,na meron n trabho and meron n direction. I still want him to bring me down the aisle when i get married someday.. I am just not ready then..not even now. Ewan ko ba pero dun s emergency room,he is the only patient so the doctors where able to treat him fast. He was there sitting on the wheel chairs, looking helpless but I know his fighting. I cant help but tears started to fall..I immediately went out of the room.. I took to the doctor and ask whats their findings. They told me, "maswerte kau at nkaabot pa c tatay sa hospital, kc ngkaroon cya ng atake s puso and possibleng mern pmutok n ugat s utak nya. we have to observe him.Buti malakas din c tatay mo,malakas ang drive n mabuhay." God answered my prayers, then we have to stay there for a couple of days..I was always outside talking to the doctors, doing errands. Mahina din kc ang loob ni mama,kaya kailangan pag s doctor ako ang kakausap. Then the doctors told me that he is paralyzed, right side of his body. Then there will be instances where he might occasionally forget things, names and others. Then i asked," Will he still be able to walk again?", then the doctor told me, "yes, so long as he will have a therapy right after the confinement there is a big chance that he could walk again." So while we were still at the hospital, friends and family kept on coming..giving us hope and uplifting our sprits that papa will recover from this illness..lagi cyang madming visitors,hindi nauubusan..sa sobrang dami everyday nghigpit n ng visiting hours sa kwarto nya.. and as usual kmeng tatlong magkakapatid nandun lng s room nya, tabi-tabi kme matulog..That became our bonding moment and we drew strength from each other. Naisip nmin ang hirap talaga ng walang guy s family..kaya lalong di pwedeng mawala c papa,mhihirapan kme..Until the time that its okay to release him from the hospital,good thing was able to find a therapist for papa. Then after 2 days of therapy,he was able to walk again. That really made me happy..

As of today, papa already recovered..he can walk but still there's a problem with his right arm,he cant stretch it..matigas din kc ulo nya,hehehe.(alam kna kung saan c nizeth nagmana!) But so far everything is fine.. Right now he's enjoying his pension,(mayaman n ulit cya!) and every time i would talk to him on the fone he would always ask, "nineng, kelan ka uuwi?magiingat ka jan palagi." That alone made me miss him so much..

PAPA i really cant wait to be home..Just hang on and wait for me..('',c